New Dad's Club

A few weeks ago my wife greeted me at the door with a small stuffed bunny. Not just any bunny but one that Gina purchased years ago as a gift for our child. At the time we were not even pregnant or trying to be; but even then there was a since that one day ...
Today my life is totally different. Not the circumstances as much as the mindset. It's amazing how much all the same things are now so different. For years people have told me that this would be the case, but the full understanding of this change did not occur until that wonderful day in January.
The way I eat is different. The way I drive is different. The way I look at other parents is different. The way I look at my parents is different.
In a starnge sort of way, I also feel some how inducted into a new fraternal order of men: fathers. As we have begun to make the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT so many people have offered kind congratulatory words. This has been wonderful and uniquely confirming of my new club status. There has been a new and wonderfully strange pride come over me as I tell my co-workers, "my wife and I are expecting." Many of these co-workers are already fathers, and I can immediately see the same shared pride in their eyes. As if to say, "welcome to the club."
I never knew such an organization of great paternal depth exsisted. Sure I've heard of the "proud pappa." I've seen my father-in-law walk proudly and stand tall with his children. I've watched my own father gush over me and my siblings, but never did I realize...
Even now I find it hard to truly describe the fullness of feeling, the width of warmth, the depth of devotion created in me by the simple knowledge that a new life is being formed and created and actually already exsists even now.
It's as though by just being here; by being a man, having a wife, and living life, God in His divine wisdom has seen fit to allow me to be a part of the miracle of the creation of life. A participation that I'm sure I am unworthy (and fear that I am unqualified) to enjoy.
A whole depth of manhood has now become mine. I have joined a new fraternity of men. I have graduated into a new Band of Brothers. I can feel it. I am already leaning heavily into it's embrace. Like a new strength, a new shield, a new banner, a new name.
This child is yet unborn and still, I am FATHER.